Just gotta have a little faith
by Mystfaery
Summary: Faith's in prison and Buffy's dead, it's a time for hard choices post the gift


Just gotta have a little Faith:  
  
Summary: okay this idea came to me when I was thinking about what was going to happen with Faith in prison and Buffy dead. Faith PoV, angsty with B/A mentions  
  
Spoilers: Faith in general and "the Gift"  
  
NB: I call your attention to the fact that I have yet to see any of buffy s5 or angel either season...I live on spoilers... so sorry for any wrong details.   
  
Rating: R mentions of death and suicide  
  
Disclaimer: I sooo don't own them  
  
I think... I might have... felt her die. I hope so... so that she wasn't alone. I don't know for certain, but me, a slayer fainted. The two of us were always tied together by a bond stronger than one of blood, even when I turned to the dark. A bond only surpassed by that of a soulmate. Our bond was one forged in battle, one of being the only person, or rather people who could fight the forces of darkness. The two of us were always two sides of the same coin, dark and light...good and evil. She was so much stronger than me and I turned to the mayor, he offered me a chance to get out of her shadow. But what I failed to see was that I was never in her shadow...that she depended on me.  
  
Angel came to visit me, tell me she was gone. The two of them had such a classically doomed relationship...a pure love. He was another thing I was jealous about. She seemed to have the perfect, hot, devoted guy, okay so he was a vamp no big... he was the other half of her. I saw them fighting once, before I was evil and it awed me, I had thought B and me were a pretty deadly duo, but the two of them...it was like...like a deadly ballet, perfectly synchronized movements. What I didn't want to see was the reality of her pain...of theirs. When he entered the small cubicle and I saw him through the thick glass...he looked like the walking dead. I know that's what he is, but he never looked it. Pale and listless like his soul was dead inside him, none of the Angel I had seen during his last visit. He told me straight out that Buffy was dead and looked at me with eyes, so empty...so drained.  
  
I used to laugh and tease her about her name, it was such an oxymoron, I mean, *Buffy * sounds like the name of a cheerleader without a brain in her little bleached blonde head, y'know all 'go team, go rah!' But she was so strong inside where it mattered. I remember on one patrol this vamp came up to her and asked her name, she said she was 'Buffy the Vampire slayer'. He laughed in her face and asked 'had her mom been on drugs.' Her face went hard and she staked him, walking away she turned back and said to his ashes. 'I am Buffy the vampire slayer and I'm proud of who I am.' I never teased her about her name after that, but I still called her B, y'know it was who she was to me I have to admit B the vampire slayer doesn't have quite the right ring to it.  
  
Angel collapsed while he was talking to me. I mean, like one minute he was telling me about how that hell it happened and the next he...flopped like a puppet with cut strings. I pretty much freaked I mean what if he bloody well died he was the one person in this fucking world who gave a damn for me. The wardens took him to an office and allowed me to call the prom queen. I wasn't allowed to see him, some shit about regulations...hello! He could have been dying. Yeah, he is already dead...but still. Cordelia came to tell me he was okay. The little princess hated me for so long, I really don't know why...okay, so I did seduce her ex...and yeah, I tortured her friend and pretty much tried to kill her. But I've changed. She has as well. She's the one that told me about B's little sister, about Glory and the portal. And about her sacrifice. I'm glad B went out with a bang, she never would have dealt with growing old...a slayer never was meant to, no matter how much she thought she wanted to. It's such a B thing to do though, sacrifice herself for the world. Cordelia told me about her gravestone...'she saved the world a lot' and it's true she died saving a world that never even realising what the hell she did and why she died. Her death was ruled a gang bashing...can you believe that? She deserved to have a day named after her and official mourning...I suppose that's the curse of the slayer...no one ever knows who you are. You're the angel who came in the night and saved the innocent.  
  
Giles came to see me a couple of days after. He told me of how things happened from the view of a survivor. He's caring for Dawn now, the odd thing is that I like had no memories of her until Angel started telling me about it, and then I got hazy images...anyways I have faint memories of her and B. I wanted to be part of their family I guess. I remember Angel telling me about Mrs S's death, I sent B a letter regulation prison paper. I guess that puzzled the relatives over who B knew in the big house, but that's me always got a kick out of people's confusion. I actually wrote B a mass of letters saying sorry ... never posted them, I wish I had, so I could y'know make things right with her. Too much pain I think and fear that she would reply that she hated me.  
  
B's Watcher is a pretty cool guy, actually to be honest Wes was too once he loosened up, he came to visit me once and I apologised, he wrote me a couple of letters and stuff like that. Giles told me about how B's death at the master's hands had created a paradox, two slayers...but what no one foresaw was that after B's death another slayer wouldn't be called. And I'm kinda in prison. He told me this bluntly and then looked in my eyes and pleaded with me to be a slayer for a final time. And I'm going to do it. The basic gist is that with me here the world isn't protected, I mean there's Angel and B's friends, but the world needs a goddamn slayer. I can't get out. And one is only called after another dies. I don't have a cellmate...after the first three were badly beaten up they gave me a cell alone. And I have a nice knife I took from a prisoner at the riot three months ago...B would have been proud of me I saved a couple of guards...and got the knife. It's easy and all planned. I wrote a couple of letters to a few people including the next slayer. I think... Giles will get it to her. Never thought suicide could save the world. Y'see I'm gonna slit my throat after lights out. B died to save the world... I guess I can't let it die. Y'know ya just gotta have a little Faith that things will work out.  
  
The end 


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